I love the holiday season. But with it always comes a dose of nostalgia that I have a hard time with. I've only lived out of my parents home for the past five Christmases. The first three years were incredibly hard to stomach. I was so excited to get "home" to celebrate and sleep in my old room. We even stayed an extra night, just because, and I cried when I went back to my apartment on the 27th of December. (mind you... I lived about two minutes around the corner at the time.) My fiancé at the time was so understanding. I thought I'd never get over it, or like coming back home when the holiday was over. I dreaded the end of the holiday season for this reason. Then my husband and I got pregnant, and had a baby and things started to change. All of a sudden I had grown up and I had a new icky feeling in my stomach as the holidays came to an end. I am just ready to be "home". I want to go home at the end of our two night stay. I exchange looks with my husband throughout the day of "they're driving me nuts! When are we leaving?!" ... I just never thought I'd be here. And now I have this guilt that I've done something wrong, that I'm a bad person for feeling this way, and that I've betrayed my family for growing up...
E.E Cummings says: "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are". I've never heard a more fitting quote in all my life to encompass how I feel when it comes to growing up and my family. Its one of the finest balanced, saddest and happiest things I've ever done in my life. The wheel of the year has turned and the seasons have changed. I've circled the sun once more with a birthday just last week. I am growing up. I should be used to this by now. Will this ever get easier? For right now, I'd almost rather skip the holidays all together for as much as I love them and today I'm looking forward to spring and new beginnings...
I hope you had a very merry Christmas. Even though this post is very melancholy, I still had a very wonderful holiday filled with so many blessings. The look on my sweet baby's face was precious as she came out to her Santa surprises! She even ate his left over cookies. She loved tearing into the paper, discovering treats in her stocking and seeing the reindeer carrots left over in the front yard. For my little pumpkin I am truly grateful. She is the light of my life and made this my best Christmas yet (...even though I was sad for it to be over!) I can't wait to watch her bright and excited face in the years to come.
brightest blessings
-A
E.E Cummings says: "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are". I've never heard a more fitting quote in all my life to encompass how I feel when it comes to growing up and my family. Its one of the finest balanced, saddest and happiest things I've ever done in my life. The wheel of the year has turned and the seasons have changed. I've circled the sun once more with a birthday just last week. I am growing up. I should be used to this by now. Will this ever get easier? For right now, I'd almost rather skip the holidays all together for as much as I love them and today I'm looking forward to spring and new beginnings...
I hope you had a very merry Christmas. Even though this post is very melancholy, I still had a very wonderful holiday filled with so many blessings. The look on my sweet baby's face was precious as she came out to her Santa surprises! She even ate his left over cookies. She loved tearing into the paper, discovering treats in her stocking and seeing the reindeer carrots left over in the front yard. For my little pumpkin I am truly grateful. She is the light of my life and made this my best Christmas yet (...even though I was sad for it to be over!) I can't wait to watch her bright and excited face in the years to come.
brightest blessings
-A
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